My First Year As A Single Father
By Christopher J. Kinnee
“There is nothing more noble in this life than for a man to raise a child”- Chris Kinnee
This book is dedicated to my wonderful daughter and the many single parents every where.
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
My deepest gratitude
to my family and friends for the support they have given me through this very
challenging beginning. I want to give special thanks to my mother and father
who believed in me and encouraged me to keep a journal. Also I must acknowledge
her grandparents on the other side of the family for the help, unconditional
love and support towards their granddaughter. I would like to acknowledge the
county and state for the programs designed to help people in our situation. The
programs truly work and are an absolute must for our society. Lastly I must
thank the church for the benevolent, emotional and spiritual support.
INTRODUCTION
This journal was never originally intended to be written as a book. I hope that you understand this journal can be a very quick read. It is in no way meant to be an educational tool. I do not have credentials in parenting or in educating children. I have just simply written down my daily experiences, trials and challenges as a single father raising a four year girl on my own. As a matter of a fact, with the exception of maybe one positive parenting class and readings of a few educational books on parenting I have no experience or knowledge of how to raise a girl. You will see that most days I tried to learn something new about myself and Kylyn, searching and then quickly jotting down in my journal something positive that I got out of the day. I thought maybe this could serve as a reminder and motivator as to why I gave up my life and dreams as I knew them at the time.
I have acquired so much respect for single mothers and even more now for single fathers. Unfortunately, I seem to meet a different single father almost every month.
Both parents after separation from each other still play a huge part in the emotional growth of the child. Studies have shown that a girl’s future relationships with men are often shaped by both her relationship with her father and her father’s relationship with other woman. Girls who are treated disrespectfully and or see their mothers being disrespected sometimes come to tolerate that kind of treatment from future boyfriends, husbands, even male colleagues. There is probably nothing better a man can do for his daughter than to respect her mother. It was important for me to study up on the basics of child psychology.
I wanted to understand the importance of a father in a child’s life. When a father is involved in the child’s life, they play a role in the physical and emotional well-being of the child. The children then can get better grades, are less likely to be involved in the juvenile justice system and more likely to stay in school and more likely to be older when they have their first sexual experience. The benefits, however, can go beyond behavioral stability. Children of involved dads have higher math competence and better verbal communication. They have more sympathy and greater empathy.
Fathering relates to the quality of men’s lives as well. Supposedly men will live longer, we will hold down jobs longer and can take greater responsibility for relationships.
Nearing my second year of marriage with my twenty four year old wife and raising a two year old daughter, arguments day after day turned our once peaceful household to a place of darkness. I still believed we could find a way through the difficult times but when I was asked to leave I had no other choice.
I spent the winter with my parents. I attended church and started back at college. I started the long journey back to finding myself once more. One month soon became one year without my family and I sadly never saw an effort or an interest by my wife to reconcile. It became obvious that we did not share the same love we once did. I finally realized that maybe hearts won’t always change even when there is a precious and fragile life like a child at risk of emotional separation. Kylyn’s mother had found someone new and it was time for me to move on. I filed for divorce a year later.
My daughter went with her mother and lived under her grandparent’s roof. Not long after, Kylyn was taken from her mother and put into foster care. Luckily for Kylyn her one week stay in the foster home was short lived. The tragic circumstance drew both sides of Kylyn’s family into the courtroom, my family on one side, and the family of my former wife on the other. Custody was given to the other side of the family. Men just don’t seem to get breaks when it comes to child custody. Kylyn was use to living with the other side of the family and the judge said I needed to show competency first. I now needed to prove responsibility as a parent to have custody of Kylyn.
Kylyn’s grandparents on her mother’s side were awarded temporary custody. They loved Kylyn very much but put blame on me for the way their daughter was acting at only age twenty five.
I now had to ask permission to see my daughter and overnight stays were denied. Her parents would have rather not had to speak or to see me. You see, my wife being the age she was, went to her parents with every problem she ever had throughout our 5 year relationship. They were aware of any mistakes I had ever made. They believed I was to blame for the way their daughter had turned out. It was obvious to me that they had no comfort in knowing I would be raising their granddaughter.
Feeling like my daughters future was being chosen for her out of default and knowing I had just this one chance to prove to the court that a man can raise his three year old on his own, I chose to put all my focus on getting her back. The court favors the mother but we as fathers must stand up and fight for our rights - our children. It was time for me to prove myself to the world.
And this is where our story begins……………
